I Will NOT Become a Commitment-Phobe ? The Burning Horse

I have a very good guy?friend who is, in almost all ways possible, the exact opposite of me. Besides the typical gender-related differences, he is so vastly different from me I sometimes wonder how we ever became friends at all. He is outgoing and can talk to anybody; I am rather shy and quiet around people unless I know them well. He is brash and bold; I am reserved. He is noble and brave; I am afraid of my own shadow half the time.

One of the most interesting differences, though, is how we have each responded to the extreme emotional hurt we?ve dealt with over the years. Like me, his spouse cheated on him and made a mockery of their marriage. Like me, Cupid has run over him with the proverbial truck and left him single in his 30s. And, like me, he is a decent, honest, hardworking human being with a heart of gold.

But, unlike me, he has responded to the hurts inflicted on him by becoming almost pathologically afraid of long-term commitments and decent relationships. My theory is that, in his life prior to when I met him, he wore his heart on his sleeve and gave his love easily. I suspect, from what he has told me about his past, that he fell in love regularly ? he was engaged more times than Elizabeth Taylor, for God?s sake! I think he was too eager to love and to be married and to have that lifelong commitment. And, since those various past women screwed him over in a variety of ways, he is now over-compensating and refusing to let himself get attached to anybody! He gets involved with women who he KNOWS can?t stay in a decent relationship ? they?re married or they?re drama queens or they?re super-high-maintenance or they?re emotionally unavailable or or or?. Subconsciously, he is attracted to and pursues women who are pretty screwed up (and in some cases, just total trash) because he knows they won?t stay around long. He prevents further hurt and damage to himself by keeping himself emotionally distant from these women.

This is the opposite of how I have dealt with my various broken hearts. I immediately begin looking for the next ?victim? and trying to create a new instant relationship. I hand my heart over again and again in an attempt to nab that elusive happy, loving, normal relationship ? and ultimately end up with another crack in the broken heart. And yet I can?t seem to stop trying! Instead of becoming the commitment-phobe that my friend is, I am a commitment-addict.?Relationships are?my??heroin??and I need a quick fix.

About the only thing that?my friend and I?seem to have in common is that we both seem to be pursuing the WRONG people! Someone once told me that if you lay down with dogs, you will get up with fleas ? and both my friend and I seem to be hell-bent on finding those dogs. Neither one of us seem to be looking in the right places for decent, hardworking, non-criminal, non-loser people.

So now that I have psychoanalyzed the situation (and my poor friend who has no idea he is the subject of these deep musings) I know that I need to get off my ?heroin? and get rid of the addiction ? but NOT become the commitment-phobe that my dear friend is. And we both need to stay away from the relationship dogs and find some decent people!

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Source: http://burninghorse.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/i-will-not-become-a-commitment-phobe/

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